Uncategorized – Random Writing

2025-04-13

admin — Sun, 13 Apr 2025 14:25:24 +0000

Hello, it’s been a while. Now here I am. A choice I think to take this on myself, and be more with what my gut is feeling, rather than doing for other to help fulfill their dream. I didn’t live that way round anymore. End at this point, to be specific.

2025-03-14

admin — Fri, 14 Mar 2025 16:37:25 +0000

not felt this bad for a very long time. Now I’m down down down, in the depths of sadness. After dreams were one time given to me, a little bit. And now they are taken away. I’m so very bad. I’m not a right person. I’m not a good person. I don’t deserve anything good. I have tried. And trying only gets me nowhere and makes me feel that I am less than everybody else. That I am not worth it. I am wrong. I am not good. I am shameful to others. I am a bad person. Noone likes me. No-one cares about me. I am not good. I am not clever. I do not deserve anything. I am just a slave. That just deserves to be used and hurt by others. All my thinking is wrong. All my dreams and thoughts of who I could be are wrong. I am not that useful. I am not respected. I am just a small piece of rubbish. I am sad. So sad. I feel I am a waste. A waste of time for others. There is nothing that I am good at. There is nothing people are thankful to me of. I am just useless. And I cannot be part of anything great in my life. I am such a let down to everyone. I do not deserve anything in this world. I understand. I am not good for anyone. I am trash, to be forgotten. Please just forget about me. I am useless. No-one loves me. I don’t deserve anything. Nevermind, I know I don’t appear well. I don’t seem right. Everyone can see that there is something wrong with me. It is obvious. I am a failure to all the people who know me. I am not good enough. I just have to believe that. And know that. I am not good for this life or anything. I just need to pass away as soon as I can. I am not useful. I hate myself. People all hate me. I am a terrible person. It’s all my fault. I should kill myself.

I should not be so sad. When you get knocked down, get back up again, and try another way. There is always another way. Focus on identity. Not: I am writing or painting. Instead: I am a writer or I am a painter. BEING, NOT DOING. Focus on systems not goals. E.g: Healthy eating and regular exercise, being that healthy person. Not heading towards it. Behave and think as though you are already living it.

2024-05-20

admin — Mon, 20 May 2024 11:29:40 +0000

sad feelings sometimes. That of the beautiful little family, and what it’s become. It was never really that beautiful, perhaps. But at some time, looking back into the past. It seemed more innocent, and exciting. And simple. Things are all so complicated now. So much more different than before. Full of things to be careful of. Disagreements that people cannot change. Simple moments of enjoyment go into uncomfortable uncontrollable emotions of disaster so easily. And we are just using up our time. Tick tick tick, and life changes and changes and feelings and feelings.

2024-05-18

admin — Sat, 18 May 2024 04:54:47 +0000

Oh the pain of careless comment. Oh the difference of opinion it can bring. The things it needs to make, when first and quick impressions are so full of wrong prejudices. It’s difficult in life to meet with. And blame is easy to flow. I just have to not be that kind of person. Not do those little egotistical behaviours that annoy. Those mis-uses of power. This is wrong judgment. I hate it. Never fail in myself that’s OK for others. I’ll learn from you. And I don’t want to tell him. Cos I don’t want him to learn.

2024-05-14

admin — Tue, 14 May 2024 09:26:21 +0000

it’s been a while diary. Sounds of traffic on the opposite bank of the river. The rumbling of trains crossing a bridge. Distant faint roars of aircraft flying by. Traffic, traffic, traffic. Punctuated by the sounds of sea birds, and gently lapping waves. A much more serine and kind place. Even emergency sirens in the distance don’t bother me. They are all just part of life. And life at the moment is OK.

2024-04-29

admin — Mon, 29 Apr 2024 04:20:49 +0000

Oh r, you are so cute. You make me think of you. I can’t stop thinking of the things I want to do with you. You make me addicted to you. Your shape and price. You smile, we laugh and see, and be. So smart we are, you r. Forget the world, and be in fantasy, for a short while. A few moments of pleasure and sin, forever. And then a memory.

2024-04-26

admin — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 01:22:50 +0000

One has to believe in one’s self sometimes. Your own direct experience. And what you can do. Not just what others say.

2024-04-25

admin — Thu, 25 Apr 2024 16:14:28 +0000

When things no longer work as they used to. Go back to basics and keep it simple. Simplify, modify, communicate and all that you need will become apparent.

2024-04-20

admin — Sat, 20 Apr 2024 04:56:04 +0000

Change and perhaps opportunity. Perhaps opportunity to help, and to make things better for others and myself. How there us something there sometimes. I can’t believe it. It doesn’t seem to happen to me so often. Neither does getting the opportunity to help others. Though this is one of those moments. Moments to seize and go with, and see what it will bring, come what may the future.

2024-04-18

admin — Thu, 18 Apr 2024 07:56:24 +0000

Stability in income, is to have several income streams. As it is with many other things, it is to have options and diversity when thing go through change, as they inevitably will do. The line of life is at times a zigzag, at times a swirling mess, but never a straight and simple line. Unfortunately or fortunately, this is a blessing and a curse. At times we’ll have the energy to look at it in different ways.